I AM ALIVE EVEN THROUGH DARK WINTER!

It’s spring break, as in: spring took a break and went back underground. It’s barely above freezing and I cannot remember the last time I saw blue sky.

This week, the March wind was so strong it knocked over my Front Yard T-Rex, about which children and their parents shout out to me, saying how much they love it:

But, OK, it’s spring break in a couple of other ways.

I made it to the Actual North Jersey (Maplewood Village) to see friends.

I went to the AWP writers conference for the first time since 2022. I read from my chapbook on a microphone in a bar and it was invigorating! Baltimore always has more to offer than I can take in. I’ll just have to keep going back.

I got a fresh cut. I really want to call this section “She Bangs“

I was also very sad about being snowed in one weekend that I used semi-permanent dye to make my hair blue-green-inky-black for six washes. There were some casualties in the form of stained towels, but mostly it was PLAYFUL. And FUN. The world very much does not seem fun right now but WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, I AM ALIVE EVEN THROUGH DARK WINTER! (Perhaps there is a reason for the brand name Manic Panic, and perhaps that reason is cabin fever.)

The best $5 I’ve ever spent was on a low-fat vegan dessert cookbook.

oat and molasses cake with caramelized coconut sauce

I always joke, “This is really just applesauce and flax seeds,” when I eat a cookie or brownie or sticky bun.

But I do have to say, I am aching for our farmers market and my CSA to return in early May. I always forget what a motivator it is to have a haul of fresh, local, in-season veggies at home. It would be a shame to waste them, so I cook up a storm. And then just feel better, generally.

Frankly the only reason I survived last spring on a heavily restricted diet for health reasons was that I could still crunch on greens and eat melon and blueberries like dessert.

So in the new year, I’ve been baking once recipe a week! Almost everything involves a whole banana, whole wheat flower, you know, crunchy.

But ALSO I love this cookbook because it has a copy/paste aesthetic, and zines are on my mind a lot these days. More on that soon!

Between a pantry stocked with baked treats and this fun with espresso bar, I haven’t been compelled to leave the house very much this winter. (And when I do, it is an OCCASION!)

Like a cute Collingswood date with myself, just before February ended.

Or this cemetery I love to walk:

And a family mochi-nut run.

My kid ONLY liked the black sesame flavor

On Valentine’s Day, my spouse and I looked at one another and said: Hey, no one is sick, we should go out. It was a miraculous day for a Free Library of Philadelphia story time for Black History Month, a delicious lunch where the baby DEMANDED MORE TRUFFLE OIL ALFREDO, and holy heck I did not realize daycare friends would send home that many gifts. He doesn’t eat fruit snacks yet, but we got a ton of fruit snacks.

ALSO WE SAW SINNERS IN THEATRES! On a DATE!!!

And I do not feel anything like “stuck at home” when we are hosting. This winter we hosted a Sibling Dinner.

For the first time in one year, I ate some brie!

Sometimes I forget I am still healing a little each day. And then, I ATE ONE PIECE OF PIZZA! I can do this for lunch, never dinner, and very rarely. But after a year away, I couldn’t ask for anything more.

Um, I maybe feel just a teeny bit “stuck at home” when snowed in every other week, it sure feels like. In part it’s because I have a social baby who demands excursions, adults to smile at, and things to climb.

One time we were snowed in and I took the day off work to hang with the baby and I turned all his toys into DEVO. But hey, that was not time spent scrolling!