Laura Eppinger

Eight Classic Works of Literature Summarized in a Yoga Studio Newsletter

September 12, 2018 lauraeppinger

Check out my parody yoga studio newsletter!

woman doing yoga pose facing sea Photo by Nathan Cowley on Pexels.com

Greetings Beautiful Bright Glimmering Soul-Friends!!!!

Check out these autumn specials, PLEASE register online to reserve your spot today! Great works of literature for these hot hot HOT prices that won’t last!

JANE EYREby Charlotte Bronte

Build that inner heat and it will rise and rise, then conveniently murder your lover’s secret wife!

FAHRENHEIT 451 by Ray Bradbury

Hot yoga special!!! Sweat and cleanse while we burn away all unwanted thoughts. Memorize then recite this newsletter for 10% off.

THE BELL JAR by Sylvia Plath

Cure your depression with vinyasa flow and essential oils. Everyone pointed this protagonist in the wrong direction, when duh, all anyone needs to be cured is to pay us $2,000 for yoga teacher training, CLICK HERE TO REGISTER.

TO THE (INNER) LIGHTHOUSE by Virginia Woolf

This story opens in a Scottish lake house during summer, the perfect place for…

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Sandcastles, like summer, cannot stay

August 25, 2018August 25, 2018 lauraeppinger

I had a difficult and unsettled summer, but suddenly I find myself mellowing as the season changes. My summer Statistics class is over. My 10-day streak of working outside is over. I moved to the beach. I am enjoying this in-between time. I find myself craving the quiet. Happy Virgo season, I want to spend… Continue reading Sandcastles, like summer, cannot stay

Essential Summer Experiences

July 24, 2018July 24, 2018 lauraeppinger

I can't tell if this is a common pre-teen phase or a 1999-era phenomenon, but the summer I turned 13 I was obsessed with collecting, and following, Summer To-Do Checklists in teen girl magazines. The month of July has unfolded for me like I am following another checklist. I have experienced: A Scary Movie: The… Continue reading Essential Summer Experiences

Lucky Number 7

June 26, 2018June 26, 2018 lauraeppinger

Genuinely pleased to announce that even before July Fourth weekend, I have visited State Parks seven different times. Island Beach State Park is my happy place: I have added Allaire State Park into my mix, and it is a special kind of gorgeous. Not sure why the light is reflecting like this, but I… Continue reading Lucky Number 7

HAIR/ LAURA EPPINGER

June 10, 2018 lauraeppinger

An oldie but a goodie.

Long hair, thick hair
pheromone trap black hair
a rope to tug pinned up
against a wall. Spillover bedside,
bleach in the summertime, shave
in fall. Smooth at secret crescent
silken comb of broken teeth. Tie
it back, it bursts, hair,
tie it back, it bursts.
Cable-strength noose, barbarian braid
a sword between two bodies reclined
no trust cannot sleep beside
hair, unsung Samson song keep
those fingers to yourself.
Supple never touch hair,
soft but never touched.

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My State Parks Pass as a personal challenge

June 9, 2018June 9, 2018 lauraeppinger

I bought the 2018 NJ State Parks Pass and I am using it to challenge myself. To get outside, if only an hour a day. To get some sort of exercise every day. One day this week I spent more than eight hours inside with meetings, but then got myself on a hiking trail and… Continue reading My State Parks Pass as a personal challenge

My very bad advice column, DO NOT FOLLOW

June 7, 2018 lauraeppinger

via Just A Phase: An Advice Column